Communication, or more precisely, effective communication, lies at the foundation of healthy relationships. Now what makes communication either effective or ineffective?
To illustrate what happens when communication breaks down, let’s look at a possible work-related scenario:
Morris is the general manager at Livewire, a small but busy consultancy. He is under pressure to get a proposal out to a prospective client, and is at the same time preparing for an important meeting with Mojo, a current client, to save a relationship that had gone sour when one of Livewire’s young consultants was perceived as being unapproachable and arrogant.
Earlier the morning, Morris asked this same junior consultant to type up his notes and write the proposal, and it came back for his approval just before his meeting with Mojo - riddled with typos and grammar errors. After making a few corrections, he chucked down the proposal on the consultant’s desk, saying over his shoulder, while he rushed out: “Your spelling is atrocious. And check the grammar. There’s a style guide in my office – use it. I made notes on the side, please affect them. Have it ready by 5 – I’m off to see Mojo to rescue our contract after last week’s incident.”
Anything wrong with this? Morris said clearly what he wanted, by when and how to improve the piece of work. To his mind, he communicated effectively. He didn’t mean to insult the consultant or to tell her that she was inefficient, he just said that she had to correct errors on an important document and be more careful with her grammar. But why did the consultant cry? And why did she sulk for the rest of the afternoon and went home with a headache and a firm resolution to find another job?
Effective communication implies that a message has been given clearly and understood correctly by the receiver of that message. If this doesn’t happen, the verbal and non-verbal communication did not deliver the intended meaning appropriately.
Without going into a long discussion about “my requirements” versus “your requirements” and how to “get what I want” while “giving you what you want”, we can identify one of the major reasons for the breakdown in communication as our preferred styles of communication that often get in the way of effective communication.
If Morris had had a better understanding of his staff member’s communication style, he might have changed his manner of speaking to ensure the correct transfer of the message. If, on the other hand, the consultant had not felt guilty or defensive about the previous week’s incident, she might not have taken his brusqueness personally. Or, perhaps this breakdown in communication is a regular issue between Morris and the consultant – and a similar misunderstanding might even have caused the incident of the previous week.
So, what is the solution?
This example is grounded in a specific situation, but it happens so often that misunderstandings cause a rift in relationships, that it is worth our while to invest in improving our communication skills.
Tip of the week: How to communicate effectively
Find out what your preferred style is. If you had done the exercise in the previous post, you might be able to point out incidents where communication had broken down because of a misunderstanding of intention. Why did that happen? Do you know? Can you put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand the misunderstood message from his or her perspective?
Most communication experts distinguish between four styles of communication, but tag them differently. For the sake of simplicity, we will refer to the communication styles as: Creator, Doer, Listener and Thinker. On the extroverted side, we get: The Creator and The Doer. On the introverted side, we get: The Listener and The Thinker.
Listeners, who are generally not very assertive, often get into conflict with Doers, and vice versa. If the Listener can focus more on definite actions and less on personal relationships, he or she can change a potential conflict situation into a meaningful conversation, while, if the Doer just counts to 10 before responding and shows more of his or her feelings, the Listener will understand the message and be able to respond better.
Creators are often very intense in their enthusiasm and tend to irritate Thinkers, who like to ponder on the detail and the processes, and vice versa. So Creators can do well to slow down a bit to listen to what the Thinker has to say because the Thinker’s input is often of great value. Thinkers, on the other hand, can try to move faster and leave the detail for later. They can also try to show more concern for human relationships.
Now where do YOU lie on the matrix? Take a quick (free) quiz on http://www.asme.org/Jobs/Manage/Whats_Communication_Style.cfm to see your preferred style – and then work at your relationships.
For more information on workshops, specifically aimed at getting your message across effectively in diverse teams, please contact Prose&Coms, at: susan@prosecoms.co.za
This blog appears as a regular column the Afridevelopment newsletter for small businesses owners. http://afrid.co.za/cms/index.php
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